I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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