Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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