I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
