Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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