I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
