i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
