I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
