it was like his penis was on wheels.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
