i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You were trust falling into bushes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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