Me too!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
