drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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