his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
