"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
