either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
