Sry I called you an 8
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
