apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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