Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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