Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
