well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
