maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
