Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
