Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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