she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
