This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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