got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
