fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
