You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
