Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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