I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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