so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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