i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
