She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
