So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
