Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
