Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
