so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
