Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
