batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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