Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
