guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
