It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
