If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
