whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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