I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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