I'm going to jail i love you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
