Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Floor bacon is actually really good
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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