Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
