Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
