cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
