What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
